Carolynne Bites

On winning the blogging Pulitzer

2008-03-04T21:32:00.008-05:00

I know I should be studying right now. I know this, and yet my brain refuses to cooperate. Bryce is out in the living room right now pretending to be hard at work at the kitchen table - even though I know he's really just watching You Tube videos on his laptop with headphones. (He thinks I don't know. But I do.) I work better when he sits out there shooting aliens or whatever on his x-box. I can't focus in this silence!

Don't try to get inside this head, baby.

So instead of spending this valuable study time actually, oh I don't know, studying, I've been doing everything but.

For example, here's a picture of Bryce at Niagara Falls:

Thumbs up for Canada!

I just finished uploading all my pictures to Flickr from this weekend - we headed to the great white north as a sort-of late Valentine's celebration. No heart-shaped bed or anything like that, but it was a great (and much needed) romantic getaway.

I like this picture because it looks like we're sitting in front of a blue-screened fake background, posing for one of those cheesy pictures that we'll get suckered into paying way too much for a key chain version of.

Actually, I think it would look best on a mug, don't you think?

OK, I have officially wasted enough time. Now I'm going to go pry my husband away from his work (*cough*MySpace*cough*) and crawl into bed to watch Northern Exposure.

Worst. Week. Ever.

2008-02-28T10:27:00.003-05:00

I am in the world's crabbiest mood ever today. It's coming to the end of a very long, very crabby week. I either need some more sleep or some more sex.

Or both. Both would be nice.

Study break

2008-02-24T21:53:00.006-05:00

Sometimes I will make an entire batch of cookies, flash-freeze them on a cookie sheet in the freezer, and pack them into a ziplock container with a label that says: 475-degrees. 9-11 min. yum.

Of course, I always have to bake a few in the oven to eat right away.

Yum, indeed.

My life for the next 2 months:

2008-02-19T20:50:00.001-05:00

Studying for the Series 7 rocks. Try not to be too jealous.

Welcome back to Siberia

2008-02-07T07:55:00.000-05:00

Last week Bryce and I took a lovely little 5-day trip down to Venice, Florida to visit his Grandparents for his birthday. What a horrible idea.

This was me, one week ago:

Florida officially ruined me for winter. I am ruined! What is this "winter" thing all about? The the hell is the deal with the cold and the snow? What happened to the 70-degrees, the sunshine, the warm breezes?

Here is the view from my office window this morning:

What the fuck, man?

This displeezes Meh!

2008-01-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

This picture pretty much sums up my cats existence - eat, sleep, and look detested when any of the silly humans try to disturb her.

My own desk

2008-01-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

This picture sums up so many feelings about my new job, not one of the bad, but most importantly I! have! a! desk!

Snow kiss

2008-01-15T10:56:00.001-05:00

And just like that, winter's back.

Ode to Rosemary

2008-01-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

I know I'm a little late in the season to be doing this, but today I pulled some of my herbs from my outside garden and potted them in little pots to go in my kitchen. There's just nothing better than fresh herbs, especially during the middle of the winter.

Like a one-man army

2008-01-14T10:24:00.000-05:00

I just quit my job. Just got off the phone with my now Ex-Manager. Told him I would not be coming back. Ever.

I never have to go back to that place again. Holy fuck.

I guess that's a good prelude to my other big announcement (even though this one probably goes without saying): I got a new job! They finally called me around 3:30 on Friday, after making me sweat it all day long, and offered me the position AND the salary I wanted (I would have taken it either way, but this was just the icing on the cake). I seriously felt like I had gone out on a first date with someone that I really liked and I was waiting to see if he would call me - it was a little unnerving. I just felt such a connection to the company and the people and, even though I had several other options, this was really the job that I wanted above all the others.

Yay for 2008, so far.

January Sunlight

2008-01-13T20:34:00.000-05:00

One of my New Year's Resolutions this year was to take (and hopefully post here) a photo ever single day. This one was taken in the enclosed courtyard of the Detroit Institute of Arts, during our visit this afternoon.

Bibbity-bobbity bacon

2008-01-10T10:06:00.000-05:00

Bryce and I got into a huge fight the night before last. Hugh. Like biggest fight we've ever had huge. There was much yelling, some throwing of things, and I even attempted to beat him to death by smacking him upside the head. It was one of those fights where you lose track of all time and space. At one point (I think it was when I threw my wedding rings across the room), I rose up out of my body and looked down at myself, like who are these two crazy people in my living room? Not one of my proudest moments, I can tell you that.

Things finally started cooling off at about 6 in the morning when, I don't know if it was something he ate or the flu or maybe the fight itself, Bryce starting throwing up like crazy. That effectively ended the fight, and broke the spell it had on us as well.

In other, better news, I've had a few very promising interviews and things are looking good on the job front. Also, my current job has put me on Disability. WTF? Let's review the facts here: I've called in sick for 2 weeks now with a fake illness, and without so much as a doctor's note they put me on Disability? So now they are paying me to sit home and find another job? Man, if I had known it was this easy, I would have done this like a month ago!

And I'm off to get my hair done. On the clock, apparently. Rock on.

This one's for you, Dana.

2008-01-07T09:51:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here at Panera, enjoying the free internet and a delicious spinach artichoke souffle-thing, searching for new jobs on the internet. I hate my job. Hate it to the point where just imagining being in that building makes me shake and hyperventilate. I have never hated a job this much in my entire life.

The last time I was at work, I looked around and realized that I would really rather be doing literally ANYTHING than being in that building. I mean anything. Garbage collecting? - sure why not. Wiping old people's asses all day? - sign me up!

After I made that stunning realization, I knew that I couldn't go back. I've been calling in sick ever since. And posting my resume out across the internets.

I realized how bad it had gotten when Bryce looked at me the other night and basically told me, "It's so nice to have my wife back". I've just been fucking miserable to deal with lately. I guess hating every minute of your job and dreading going back the entire time you're home will do that to you. It's like all I wanted to do when I got home from work was take a Vicodin and go to bed.

So anyway, I'm back, bitches. Hopefully for the better.

Happy Friday

2008-01-04T16:37:00.000-05:00

Calling in sick is the greatest. Especially when the husband ends up on this side of town and therefor working from home for the afternoon. It gives me a reason to make cupcakes. And to eat them while playing Guitar Hero.

Much better than working, I would say.

Snow trees

2008-01-01T20:08:00.000-05:00

Last night, for the New Year, Bryce and I had some friends over, got drunk, played Guitar Hero, ate well, partied our asses off, and toasted in 2008 as well as we possibly could. At midnight, I looked over at my husband and I couldn't help thinking back to last New Year's Eve. First, Bryce showing up to my house in a suit with a dozen red roses, then our first kiss ever.

So much in my life has changed since last December the 31st. What a journey the past year has been. It's had its ups and downs, but I can honestly say that I wouldn't rather be anywhere else this year, looking at anyone other than him - my best friend and the face of my entire future.

This morning we woke to the total silence that only that lack of remaining party guests and an over-night snow dump can give. The whole world was covered in white, almost too perfect to be real. If only the whole year could stay this wonderful and new.

Happy 2008, everyone.

I need to stop being such a dynamo in the sack

2007-11-07T22:37:00.000-05:00

Bryce threw out his back yesterday. We're not even sure how, just months of overuse and under-appreciation. I like to joke that I broke him. Yeah, I'm just that good.

Anyway, today we went back to the chiropractor to look at the x-rays they took yesterday when we (ok, me) basically begged them to see Bryce even though they were pretty much closed. Looks like he has 2 pinched nerves in his mid-back. Yikes. I guess that explains him writhing in pain most of the night last night.

The best part is all of the good meds his doctor called in for us - a veritable slew of muscle relaxants and anti-inflamitories and pain killers.

I got the impression that the pharmacist thinks I have a prescription drug problem. Whatever. Screw her for judging me. Besides my husband is fricking adorable when he's trying desperately to keep his eyes open for one more episode of Family Guy while he's higher than a fucking kite.

Also, I only have to work until 10:00 am tomorrow. Things are looking up.

Tomorrow will be better

2007-11-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am crabby and I hate Daylight Savings Time and I hate NaBloPoMo and I hate everything. Did I mention that I was crabby?

Goddamnit.

That's it, I'm going to bed.

next stop, the laundry room

2007-11-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

A month ago I completely missed my period. Like it totally never came - just didn't show up to play. I freaked out, as I always do, even though I am on birth control and I take it religiously, every night when I brush my teeth. I ended up taking three pregnancy tests over the two weeks following - all negative of course - until I was finally satisfied that it must have just been a fluke.

It's not that I don't want to get pregnant, ever, I just don't want to right now. I starting panicking, thinking ohmygod, I still have so many things to do before I become someones mom! Like, I want to have a real honeymoon, to somewhere really romantic like Italy. And I want to go sky diving! And I want to have sex in every single room in my house!

If anything, this little scare has made me even more determined to enjoy the shit out of being married and untethered while I still can.

And on that note, I'm off to ravage my husband. Nighty-nite, everyone. =)

I love you too, but I'm going to mace you in the face now

2007-11-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

This afternoon Bryce and I went out for a lunch/movie date and ended up seeing The Darjeeling Limited. I can't say enough good things about this movie. I have loved all of Wes Anderson's movies in the past and this was no exception. In the same second I was laughing and then near tears and then laughing again. And when I left the theater it took me awhile to shake the sensation. It was just so moving. I can't wait to buy it when it comes out on DVD.

In fact, if you haven't seen it and you live near me, I will go with you. It was THAT good.

In other news, starting tomorrow at 8am I am set to attend a class for work - a ridiculously boring class on all the lovely intricacies of life insurance - that goes on for the next four days. Four effing days, people. Four days on insurance. Pray for me, will you?

And now I'm off to curl up in front of the TV with the husband and try to enjoy as much of the weekend that we have left as possible.

An open letter to the boys in green

2007-11-03T20:47:00.000-04:00

Dear Michigan State Football Team,

Every year I think maybe, maybe this year you will not break my heart. Maybe you will not suck. Maybe you will play football as if you actually belong in this league. Maybe you will finally live up to your potential.

Today I tried the I-don't-give-a-shit position. I knew you were going to lose and I decided not to care. Well then came the third period when your offense suddenly seemed to come together and suddenly we were winning - dominating, even.

And then it happened. My heart opened to the possibility that you might actually do it, that you might actually beat the University of Michigan.

And then you fucking lost.

You are now officially dead to me.

Peace out,
Carolynne

Friday Randomness

2007-11-02T13:24:00.000-04:00

My friend Laura was telling me today about this game that she invented that she was playing with the guy she's dating, which basically involved the two of them coming up with 10 really random things about themselves (as random as possible) and then rapid-firing the list back and forth between each other without pausing. I thought that was a pretty fun way to get to know somebody so I told Bryce that we were playing it this weekend.

I know that I already know Bryce - I mean I married the guy, right? - but that's the best part about this game. If you pick random enough stuff, even someone that's known you for years could be surprised. And amused.

So I've been sitting here today coming up with my list and I thought I would post it here:

1. When I was younger, my biggest wish was to sing the National Anthem at a Detroit Tiger's game.
2. Once in college I completely forgot to show up for one of my finals. I got a 4.0 in the class. I have no idea how.
3. Before I can fall asleep I have to crack the big toe on my right foot.
4. One time, while camping with my family, I was butted by a goat that had wandered onto our campsite.
5. I've worn the same size shoes since I was in the 6th grade.
6. I've been known to eat jars of babyfood because I like how they taste.
7. When I was in kindergarden, my IQ tested at a genius level.
8. Once in college I was so drunk that I fell backwards on the dance-floor, right out of my shoes.
9. When I was little my big celebrity cruse was Michael J. Fox because we have the same birthday.
10. Because of a video I saw in the 3rd grade I thought babies were made when you sat really, really close to someone else, so for a long time I was scared to sit even near a boy for fear of getting pregnant.

Now, your turn!

All Hallow's Eve

2007-11-01T09:56:00.000-04:00

Halloween is one of my all time favorite holidays. I love everything about this time of year.

I love the cooler weather - the sudden need for boots rather than sandals and sweaters over t-shits.

I love the desire for comfort food that seems to take over. I love the belly-warming stews and the smells of good food that permeate the house.

I love that last night, Bryce and I passed out Halloween candy together for the first time ever, sharing big bowls of homemade macaroni and cheese in between trick-or-treaters. Then we curled up on the couch and watched scary movies with all the lights out, trying to freak each other out. And in bed after, he wrapped his arms around me so tightly that all I felt was warm and safe and loved.

I am telling you, best holiday ever.

Is it lunch-time yet?

2007-10-23T10:48:00.000-04:00

Last night Bryce and I went out with some friends to the new Wolfgang Puck restaurant that opened recently here in Detroit. I don't even know where to begin, everything was so excellent. From the butternut squash soup with apple compote (who knew that would be such a winning combo) to the pumpkin ravioli (DEFINITELY trying that recipe at home) to the lamb chops with creamy parmesan polenta. Even the dessert was out of this world. Yum. Yum. Yum. I'm hungry again just thinking about it.

Eating good food always gets me in a cooking mood. I've whittled away the majority of my morning looking up recipes online and reading food blogs. I truly can't think of a better way to waste the day. Other than, I suppose, actually being in a kitchen cooking this stuff.

Man I wish I could call in sick tomorrow.

Good things

2007-10-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

Maybe it's the weather, or maybe it's just sitting in an office with yellow lighting all day, every day trying to digest some of the most boring study material ever created, but I've been kind of down the past few days. So in the spirit of getting over it already I've decided to make a list of all the things that are great in my life right now.

1. I passed my Series 6! In fact, I owned that test. Best score out of my whole group. Boo-yah.

2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia seasons 1 and 2 are out on DVD. If you aren't watching this show yet, seriously, what is wrong with you?

3. Today is Thursday, which every college student knows is the unofficial start to the weekend.

4. Tomorrow is Friday!

5. Saturday, Bryce and I are set to drive out to Ann Arbor to hit up the Farmer's Market, Zingerman's, and hopefully a cider mill to get some delicious cider and donuts and a few pumpkins for Halloween.

6. Speaking of Halloween, I really need to get moving on my naughty Girl Scout costume. Our party is only one week away, and I plan on having the BEST costume. Or maybe just the naughtiest. We shall see.

7. Oh yeah, Bryce and I are throwing a Halloween party this year that is sure to kick ass. As always.

8. It's fall - which is, as everyone knows, my favorite time of year. And this year has been no exception. I can't wait to get out and take some pictures of the beautiful colors we've been experiencing.

9. Bryce and I bought a pretty new fire pit for out backyard. Tonight, if the rain lets up, we're going to have our first bonfire.

10. Making lists is fun!

11. I've just effectively killed an hour of my morning blogging. Go me.

12. Now I'm going to go read my new Food and Wine magazine (the Thanksgiving issue!). That should get me through until lunch, at least.

13. For lunch I'm going out for yummy Thai food. Mmmm.

14. Okay, I'm really going to go try to be productive now.

Just sending it out the universe

2007-10-11T09:19:00.001-04:00

Cold, rainy days such as these are not meant to be spend in an office with no heat. I think the tip of my nose just fell off. Thank god for coffee, that's all I have to say.

I wish I could be home right now, curled up on my couch in front of a movie. Now that I think about it, that whole scenario would be better if my house had a fireplace. ... Okay, so I change my wish. I wish that I had a fireplace. Even if I can't be there right now, I would know that it was home waiting for me. All warm and cozy. With a mug of hot chocolate. And my wonderful husband to cuddle with me.

Universe, get working on that.

Checking things off the life list

2007-10-08T10:44:00.000-04:00

As part of my ongoing effort to personalize the Robbins Family Living Quarters, a few weeks ago (with a little inspiration from Dooce) I went through the process of developing, framing, and hanging some pictures I had taken. It turned out really well.

Some time ago I was making a list of "wants" (like "I want to get married", "I want to own a winery", "I want MSU to beat U of M in a football game that isn't controversial and therefor completely discredited" - that kind of thing). And one of the things on my list was to fill my home with my own photography.

I can't tell you how accomplished it feels to check items off this list. Plus it feels pretty great to have my house feel more and more like a home - like a family actually lives here - every day.

Bubbly

2007-10-05T09:42:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was just one of those days. Murphy's Law kind of stuff. Just about everything that could go wrong did. I even fell down some stairs pretty much onto my face in front of everyone. I called Bryce on my way home, practically in tears. "Today sucked," I told him.

He greeted my at home right at the door and wrapped me up in a big hug. Have I mentioned how great marriage is? Cause, man, he can really just turn my day around, just like that.

We ordered take-out from Noodles, which we ate right in bed while watching Blades of Glory. We cuddled up with a big bowl of popcorn and watched another movie - Evening. Just us, in bed together, the whole night. So perfect.

I guess yesterday wasn't really so bad after all.

And pigs flew out of my butt

2007-10-01T09:16:00.000-04:00

I am telling you, only my husband can win concert tickets via a text message on his cell phone. Seriously. This kind of shit just does not happen to me. So much so that when he got the text message Saturday morning from Verizon saying, "The first 5 people to respond to this win 2 free Maroon 5 tickets" I laughed at him for even bothering to reply.

Well the joke was on me.

That's 10th row floor, people. That's Adam Levine close enough to practically touch his shoe. Even my cynical ass had to admit that this was pretty sweet. Go Verizon.

In other news, I am totally obsessed with Taco Bell's new cheesy-beefy-melt. Holy god is that thing good. If you have not tried it, get thee to a TB before they run out or I've eaten them all. Go. Go right now.

Happy Fish Thanksgiving to you.

2007-09-24T12:28:00.000-04:00

I just finished my lunch - a delicious tuna-fish sandwich, complete with grapes and goldfish crackers. Yum.

This lunch is brought to you by the Jewish holiday Yum Kippur.

Or should I say, my leftovers from Yum Kippur. ... Anyway, basically the holiday goes like this: you fast for 24 hours, then at sundown you eat a huge feast involving things such as bagels, and lox, and cream cheese, and tuna-salad, and smoked sable, and koogle, and 7-layer cake. Being a gentile myself, I'm sure I'm skipping over the actual importance of the day, so please forgive me. I really only celebrate the "feast" part of the festivities anyway.

So in honor of Yum Kippur (otherwise known as "The Day of Atonement" or, as I like to call it, "The Fish Thanksgiving!") this weekend I made Bryce a huge Jewish feast. Man, was it good.

So good that I'm still eating it today. Try not to be too jealous.

Check. Check. 1,2,3.

2007-09-21T22:31:00.000-04:00

It's been awhile since I've enjoyed the quietness of having the whole house to myself on a Friday night. Bryce is out at a bachelor party and I'm sitting here, with my belly full of tai food, watching episodes of Dead Like Me while my toe-nail polish dries. If I was any more content right now, I would be purring.

I got out of work early today because there was a carnival in our parking lot. Seriously, there was literally a huge festival set up in the parking lot behind and on both sides of our building today. Apparently, it was the city's 50th birthday, or something. At about 2 they started sound-checking the music stage 500 feet away from the office in which I was trying to read about whole life insurance policies and variable annuities. Let's just say it's pretty hard to concentrate with someone playing the drums so loud that my desk is actually vibrating. Thank god they noticed and finally let us out at about 4:15.

I'm especially glad it's the weekend because I don't think my brain can hold any more information right now. We have reached capacity, folks. Plus I have about a hundred thank you notes to finish from our reception party. I really need to get those done and mailed already.

But not tonight. Tonight is for relaxing and doing nothing of consequence. Now I'm going to go back to watching my toe-nails dry. Have a good weekend, everyone!

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

2007-09-20T12:23:00.000-04:00

Started the new job on Monday. Right now my only duties are to sit in a room with 3 other new hires and study to pass my Series 6 Licensing Test.

We sit in this room for 8 hours a day.
This room has no windows.
This room has florescent lighting that make us all look jaundiced.
This room feels like a basement dungeon straight out of Silence of the Lambs.
It rubs the lotion on its skin.
This room makes us all a little insane.

The other day our book had an example using a man named Phil (otherwise known to his friends as "Fast Philly" or "Phil the Deadbeat"). This made us laugh for like 20 minutes straight. Good old Phil the Deadbeat. What a great guy! Even typing it now is making me laugh. Is it actually funny - the fact that a textbook would print this jargon? Or is it funny because I'm mostly reading about things like call buying and dividends and preferred purchase stocks? ... I shall leave that for you to decide.

I'll be over here in the corner, crying a little bit.

Barefoot and not pregnant

2007-09-16T20:45:00.000-04:00

Being a wife suits me just fine. I spent most of the day today in the kitchen, loving every minute of it. I made stuffed peppers for dinner with some of the many fragrant green-peppers from my garden. I made a few loaves of zucchinis bread with my last beautiful green zuke. I made the crust for an apple pie I plan on baking for tomorrow's dessert, using up part of the giant bag of apples Bryce and I bought this weekend for $3. I even made a pan of lasagna to be used for dinner later this week.

Kudos to the hubby for buying me this and this. There's nothing like new cookware to inspire the domestic goddess in me.

Wino dreaming

2007-09-14T10:27:00.000-04:00

Yesterday it was summer. This morning I woke up and it was fall. Walking through the courtyard to breakfast I could smell it in the air. This time of year I wouldn't want to live anywhere else besides right here. It's fall in Michigan that reminds me of why I don't pack up my bags and leave during the other 9 months. This is why I stay.

Bryce and I talked very seriously about moving out of state for awhile. When we first got engaged we looked into it very seriously. What it came down to for us was that, beyond missing our family and friends, we would really miss Michigan itself. Yeah, the economy sucks right now and all that, but it really is a truly beautiful place to call home. Plus we found that what we really wanted to do with our lives, didn't have us leaving Michigan at all.

Ultimately what we mapped out - our 10 year plan, if you will - is that we want to move up here, to the Traverse City area, and open our own winery. This is something we would both just die to do, so we've started a loose time line for how we can make it happen ... including paying off all our debt, buying our cars, selling the house, saving up a shit-ton of money, etc.

So this is me, just putting it out to the universe. Got it, universe? Carolynne and Bryce are going to own a winery. And live in a big house overlooking all the grapes. Also, throw in some kids and a dog or two. K? Thanks.

And put a little more vodka in the next one, Miguel

2007-09-13T13:44:00.000-04:00

So I start the new job on Monday. And yes, I'm being pointedly vague on where I'll be working. Employers read the internet, people! And I'm a pansy. And just in case I ever say anything negative about my job, god forbid, I do not want it to come back to haunt me. Suffice it to say that I'm very excited. The end.

Anyway, in the spirit of my last week of freedom, I headed out last night on a business trip with my husband. When I say "business", I mean that he works and I get to lay around the hotel pool all day, sipping cocktails. Or whatever it is that rich housewives do on their husband's business trips.

I'm currently typing this from a very nice desk at the Day's Inn in lovely Traverse City - where I spent the morning wandering around town, looking in all the cute shops, taking pictures of the harbor, and eating some of the best gelato I've ever tasted. I'm so totally going back there tomorrow.

Or maybe later today. ... After my nap, that is.

Now I can say I'm working on my second marriage

2007-09-11T10:13:00.000-04:00

I don't remember much at all about the ceremony, I just remember his face - locking eyes with him and finding that everything else melted away. I mouthed "I love you" and he winked at me. We were just us. No one else was even in the room. And then we were walking back down the isle. Smiles, flashbulbs, and it was all over.

Then it was back to his parents house for food and drinks and smashing of cake. His Grandfather gave a very touching toast, wishing us the same happy 63 years that he has enjoyed so far in his marriage. Lots of hugs, he told us, that was the secret. Then one of my best friends Ryan, whom I've known for as long as I can remember, gave a toast talking about all the ways Bryce and I balance each other. It was equal parts funny and insightful, and was probably one of the highlights of the whole evening for me.

On to Saturday night, and we opened the dance floor with "Fly Me to the Moon" - our song. We ate heartily and drank even more so. Bryce's cousin Adrian manned the bar and spent most of the later hours creating his own special shots and passing them out to all who were standing nearby. I did several with my father, who was having the time of his life - with the rosy cheeks of happy drunkenness to prove it. We danced and drank the night away, not heading to bed until well after 3 am.

Our families did a hell of a job throwing the parties. My weekend was, in a word, amazing. I am truly blessed by all the people in my life. I can't think of a better way to get married for the second time.

I would marry him a hundred times over

2007-09-07T09:29:00.000-04:00

So I'm getting married today. Again. And it's been a crazy couple of days. If this is even a tenth of the hectic-ness that comes with being a bride, I am so glad that Bryce and I ran away to Vegas.

I'm sitting here, with Crest Whitestips on my teeth, making a list of the things still today that I need to do. I can't believe it's finally here. It really feels like I'm getting married all over again, only this time with my family to witness. I actually get to walk down the isle with my father, in a pretty white dress that Bryce hasn't even seen me in yet, and today we get stand up and say our vows to each other in front of everyone. It's pretty exciting.

I'm just glad it's a small ceremony, because any more details than this and I might actually be frazzled right now.

And tomorrow is the big party. Complete with a DJ, lots of booze and even an ice luge (but a home-made one - that was just the only link I could find).

On that note, I'm off to get my hair done. Wish me luck, everyone!

Family Traditions

2007-09-06T10:06:00.000-04:00

This weekend, my family - and about 60,000 other people - walked across the Mackinac Bridge.

We've been doing this every Labor Day for as long as we can remember. It's the only day all year that they allow foot traffic on the 5 1/2 mile long suspension bridge between the upper and lower peninsulas - and it's just really cool.

This year was extra special because it marked the 50th Anniversary of the bridge's opening. And also, even better than that, it was the first year that Bryce got to be a part of the tradition.

And even though there was an INSANE amount of people this year and the food service seemed to be way too slow everywhere we went and my left ear ended up getting really sun-burnt on the walk (who thinks to put sunscreen on their ear? seriously), it was a really great time.

I got the job!

2007-08-27T23:22:00.000-04:00

Shots all around, people.

Oh and BTW, how cute is my husband in this picture? I just want to eat his face.

Spartans everywhere rejoiced

2007-08-27T09:54:00.000-04:00

This weekend I took Bryce up to visit my Alma Mater. It's been a long time since I've been up to Michigan State, and it was a beautiful day for it. We walked around campus for awhile, seeing the sights and just enjoying the weather.

We met up for dinner with the family that I used to be a nanny for in college. I watched Clare from the time she was born up until I graduated 2 1/2 years later, and now she's going into the 2nd grade. Before I know it she'll be driving and dating boys and running off to college herself. Man, I'm old.

After that, we met up with some college friends of mine to show Bryce the other side of Welcome Week - shots. And shots. And more shots. We went to a few bars and lived it up like we were in college again. Holy hell, I drank enough to kill a small horse. It was a great time. Needless to say, we spent all day yesterday in bed nursing our hangovers, eating ice cream and watching The Shield on DVD. Although, that ended up being a great time, too.

All in all, it was a pretty great weekend. How was yours?

Dinner

2007-08-23T10:59:00.000-04:00

Start with eggplant, straight from my garden

Add stewed tomatoes, onions, garlic, basil, and just a bit of balsamic vinager

Toss with rigatoni and some mozzarella cheese and you have a feast!

Finish (as if the house weren't hot enough at this point) with my homemade peach-cobbler.

Martha Steward would be so proud of me.

I'm a pretty, pretty princess

2007-08-22T11:42:00.000-04:00

So I had my 2nd interview today, at the actual office I will be working, with the actual manager I will be working under. All in all, it was good and I know he wants to hire me. I have a meeting with the Regional Manager on Friday and then, I'm assuming, they will offer me the job officially.

I'm pretty excited. And pretty relieved to soon be earning a paycheck again. Yay, gainful employment.

In other news, I found a wedding gown! For those of you out there thinking this is a backwards process - get married in Vegas THEN find a wedding gown - well you're right but I'm sort of getting married all over again in a few weeks. See, Bryce is Catholic and really wanted to do a "blessing" of our marriage in a church in front of his family and God. At first I wasn't all about it because, duh, God doesn't just hang out at one church, he's kind of everywhere. In fact, he goes to Vegas too. I personally think Jesus spends plenty of time there, whenever His dad is getting on His nerves and He needs a weekend to Himself - you know, play a little craps and maybe hit up some Cirque de Sole. I get it, Jesus. Sometimes you just need to blow off some steam.

Anyway, I sort of ending up getting really into the whole thing recently. I'm tasting cake flavors and trying on wedding dresses and all of a sudden, holy god I'm a bride! We got married so quickly that I didn't really get to be a bride, which was totally okay with me - I've never been one of those girls anyway. But it's actually pretty fun, as it turns out.

Yesterday the Mom-in-law and I were running some errands and decided to stop into David's Bridal, just to see if they had any pretty dresses for sale that I could snag. Well, they didn't, but I ended up dragging a few dresses over to the changing area anyway. The first one that I tried on, I walked out and the whole room gasped - even people I didn't know where like, "Oh my god, that's the one!". And best of all, it fits me like a glove - so no alterations! AND it ended up being on sale anyway. Needless to say, I bought it.

So, in two weeks I am getting married. Again. This time with family and flowers and a maid of honor and a beautiful white dress and a man in a tuxedo at the end of the isle.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world.

The only-child in me boiling to the surface

2007-08-20T22:10:00.000-04:00

Mostly I love being married and living with someone and all the comes with it, but there are a few things that I miss about being single.

1. Late night music jams. I used to love to turn up the stereo to this-is-why-I-don't-live-in-an-apartment levels and cater to whatever I was feeling at the moment. Maybe it would be a glass of wine and some Damien Rice, or maybe it would be me dancing around the living room like a fool to Justin Timberlake, whatever I was feeling at the time. Just me and the music.

2. Saturday afternoons just for me. Sleeping in late. Getting up and baking muffins or pancakes or scones. Eating them at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee and just enjoying the silence of my own house and the quiet of my own mind.

3. Solo trips to the bookstore. I used to go to the bookstore after work some days and wander around with a cup of coffee for hours. I had no where to be and no one getting bored while I sat in one of the arm chairs with a big pile of books to pour over. Sometimes I would come home, armed with several new books, not to make or eat dinner until like 9 or 10. It was fabulous.

4. Girl's Nights Out. Laughing and dancing my ass off with my girlfriends all night long. Ending up back at my house, alone, half in the bag, stripping off my clothes on the way to bed to pass out - smelling of booze and smoke, but who cared.

Ah, the single life.

My morning so far ...

2007-08-20T12:21:00.000-04:00

Man, I love rainy days.

She's voting for Barack

2007-08-19T23:16:00.000-04:00

My kitty turned 18 this weekend. Yeah, 18. That's like 80 years old in cat years She defies the imagination. I can't believe that I've had her (Oreo - like the cookie) since I was 9 years old. I was actually there when she was born. It's crazy to think about.

In other new, I have a really good job interview lined up for tomorrow. I don't want to say any more so that I don't involuntarily jinx it, but I'm really excited. Wish me luck!

Lazy weekend days

2007-08-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Lying in bed surrounded by pillows, checking my email and things for the first time in days, not feeling nauseous finally (also for the first time in days), reading a lovely cookbook called The Vineyard Kitchen, and reflecting on a day that was simple and just utterly perfect, I feel so content I could purr. I finally took the wrappings off my knee yesterday and took a shower, which was like heaven after two days of being in bed and smelling like hospital. It's not too swollen, although still quite a bit stiff and I find that I can't really put much weight on it yet. Nonetheless, Bryce noticed me going a bit stir crazy and took me and my crutches to the Farmer's Market this morning for fresh peaches and then out to a local Cuban restaurant for lunch. We proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon in bed - reading, making love, napping, and watching movies.

And the best part is, I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

Oh, life is good. Very, very good.

On bed protocol, excessive use of caps, and forced unemployement

2007-08-06T00:01:00.000-04:00

See, he says that I'm exaggerating when I tell him that if I don't come to bed until late, he takes over the whole bed. And as you can see for yourselves, evidenced in this photograph I took with my cell phone, not only does he totally spread out, but he spreads out into MY side of the bed! See that side he has totally taken over? With all the pillows and stuff? Yeah. that's my side.

So now I am vindicated! Yes! I am posting proof to the WORLD that I was RIGHT, damnit. So, ha! ... or something.

And in less vindictive news, there's something I haven't really been able to talk about because it wasn't really official until Friday, I am unemployed. This week, in a whirlwind of suddenness and ferocity, my company closed its doors due to "deteriorating market conditions", laid off all its employees nationwide, and filed for bankruptcy. Or wait, how did they say it again? Oh yeah, they are "liquidating their assets". Whatever. All I know is, I am unemployed, uninsured, and about to undergo knee surgery. All I have to say is, thank god for COBRA.

In truth, I wasn't very happy there anyway. I've been trying to figure out what to do about my career for awhile now. Maybe this is the opening I need to move into something more stable and more enjoyable and that doesn't make me want to shoot myself everyday. Sometimes I feel like bad things happen to give your life a spot open for something even better to come along.

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself right now.

Books and cleverness

2007-07-30T11:56:00.000-04:00

Last week I started an online writing class through Gotham Writer's Workshop, which is based out of New York City. A friend at work recommended it to me and so far I'm really loving it. I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember but only recently have I actually thought seriously about pursuing it.

I am excited to do more with the creative side of my brain that doesn't really get any exercise at my day job, and at the same time I'm hoping to find the focus and discipline to be able to take my writing to the next level. Or least maybe it'll make me more smarter. And help me draw real pretty, too.

The one thing I've taken away from the class so far is how severely under-read I am. I read a lot, usually two and three books at once, and thought I was doing pretty well, but looking over the recommended reading list ... holy hell, I have not read very many of those. I intend to write my high school a strongly worded letter. It will start, "Dear Overprotective Christian Nazis, Just because a book contains swears it does not mean Jesus will cry if people read it". Yeah. I didn't read The Catcher in the Rye until I was 23. WTF, Lutheran High School Association?

Speaking of great books, I finally finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It was incredible. A great finish to a great series. One I can't wait to share with my children. ... Even though there's *gasp* kissing in it.

Yeah, Jesus is crying right now just thinking about it.

At least it wasn't a tattoo

2007-07-26T21:38:00.000-04:00

When I was 17 I got my belly-button pierced. It was one of those I'll do it if you do it kind of situations with my high-school boyfriend (who's "do it" was just a little bit easier - he was only getting his ear pierced). I still remember having dinner with my parents after we got back, hoping they wouldn't notice how tall I was sitting in my chair as I tried to avoid contact between the new hole in my stomach and the top of my pants.

That was 10 years ago. Tonight, for the first time ever, I took the ring out.

Well, when I say "I", I mean Bryce. He used a pair of pliers to pry the ring apart and then remove it. My only contribution was to lay still on the bed, flat as a board, with my eyes squeezed shut, whimpering every time I felt the metal brush against me. I still can't believe I ever paid money to have someone stick a giant needle through my stomach. Or that after a decade, there was still a metal ring there (I'm such a chicken-shit).

I can honestly say that it would still be there if it weren't for the fact that tomorrow I have to have an MRI done on my knee. I went back to the orthopedic doctor today because my knee is still bothering me, and has actually gotten worse in the last few months since I stopped training for the marathon, to the point that it's almost always hurting me. He's concerned that I might have a tear in the cartilage surrounding my knee cap, better known as a meniscus tear. Which sounds super fun, doesn't it? Anyway, tomorrow I'll go have an image taken of it and then next week the doctor will read it and let me know whether I'll need to have surgery or not.

I'm hoping for not.

All of this knee business aside, I'm feeling better than I have in weeks. My husband continues to be simply amazing in ways that I could never possibly deserve, and I don't know what I would do without him. Tonight we ignored the rest of the world and had a wonderfully low-key evening, just the two of us. I made us a big pot of chili and we both curled up on the couch with our big, steaming bowls and watched Entourage. It was simply perfect.

And now, folks, I'm off to read Harry Potter.

The Crazies

2007-07-23T10:29:00.000-04:00

I feel so trapped in my life right now.

I feel boxed in on all sides, suffocated, locked up. Even in my own house, where I have always felt content and settled, I feel completely claustrophobic. Nothing feels comfortable anymore. I can't relax.

I've gone through periods like this before, but never this bad. Usually there is at least something I can turn to that soothes my restless soul - music, cooking, a really good book - but nothing seems to be working right now. Nothing makes me feel happy or at ease.

I want to get out of here - leave my life for a few days and just get out of town. But at the same time I want to crawl into my bed, surrounded by my blankets and pillows and the smell of my own life, and sleep for days, enveloped in all of it.

I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin.

Forever.

2007-07-16T23:36:00.000-04:00

I guess when I pictured what marriage would look like, this is what I would see: I would picture the first few years being all broke but who cares, clipping coupons and trying to save money, spending nights out drinking draft beer specials with our friends. I pictured surprise movie dates, armed with flowers picked out of the garden. I pictured late nights up talking and laughing and making love - being all red-eyed for work the next morning, but not caring in the least. I pictured lying in bed on Sundays, reading the paper together over morning coffee. I pictured rushing home every day after work, so eager to share our day with each other. I pictured hand-holding and giggling and not-so-secret kisses in public. I pictured spending vacations in a little tent, cooking meals over the fire and having sex in the great outdoors - nothing fancy, just the two of us.

I pictured the comfort beginning to settle in, leaving us both secure and grounded in that way that being totally respected and loved can make you feel. I pictured having those secret looks we could toss at each other across a crowded room - looks that only we could read, jokes that only we knew the punchlines to.

I pictured trying for children - excitedly, anxiously. I pictured raising children - excitedly, anxiously. Taking family vacations up north and road trips out west to see the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone National Park, taking silly group photos in front of places like Mount St Helens.

I pictured watching them all leave, one by one, to college and jobs and marriages of their own. I pictured retiring, spending lazy afternoons reading and gardening and doing the crosswords together. I pictured large family dinners filled with warmth and comfort and love.

I pictured a life filled with joy and, yes, some tough times, but nothing that we couldn't handle together. Hand-in-hand, walking through life.

Oh, my aching ovaries

2007-07-06T11:46:00.000-04:00

I was talking with Sarah this morning about babies (mostly that she wants me to have babies already so that she can steal them and spoil them with her Auntly affections). Part of me is definitely not ready yet - and too broke at the current time to even think about it.

But there's another part of me that can't wait to have a little baby with Bryce - someone with my nose and his beautiful blue eyes - a little part of both of us walking around in the world. I mean, how cool would that be?

They say you should only marry someone if you could imagine your kids turning out exactly like them and having that be okay. Thinking about that right now, today, I couldn't be more okay with that. I'm picturing a little boy, all arms and legs, a mop of blond hair, total goof-ball sense of humor, plays the drums on every conceivable surface, and absolutely the most adorable person through and through that I've ever known.

Yeah, I think that would be just fine by me.

Mid-summer blues

2007-07-05T22:04:00.000-04:00

My husband is watching House in the living room. It's still feels odd to type that - my husband. Can it really be that I have a husband?

I wish I was one of those people who could be happy happy happyeee - just floating through life on a cloud of happy all the time. I've had a little taste, the last month or so, of what it must be like to be one of those people. But the truth is, maybe I'll never be like that. Maybe I'll always have that little chip of sad planted deep inside of me.

It's nights like tonight, when all I want in the world is for B to sweep me up in his arms, like I am his most prized possession, and carry me to bed like he owns me. And to show me how glad he is that I own him. Forever and ever.

But out there he sits, watching tv. And in here I sit, spilling my thoughts to the empty masses, rather than to him. So it's almost like I'm choosing to be sad. Maybe I am. Or maybe I'm just built this way.

It's such a fine line these days.

OFFICIALLY officially off the market

2007-06-19T15:52:00.000-04:00

That's right - I'm now Mrs. Robbins.

More later when everything calms down.

Officially off the market

2007-05-24T15:20:00.000-04:00

Last night - Bryce is fixing something in my garden and I am baking a Red Velvet cake for my friend's birthday, peeking out at him occasionally from the kitchen window. It's a normal evening, albeit a little warm for this time of year - so warm that I've been forced to turn the AC on already.

He pulls me outside under the pretense of showing me the new soaker hose he has installed. "Stand here", he tells me, while he runs around to the front of the house to turn on the water. I watch as water starts weeping out of the hose, just as it should. He comes back and stands next to me and we watch the water soaking into the ground around the vegetable plants for a minute.

"I need to ask you something", he tells me. "It's really important." I look away from the plants and wrap my arms around him. "What's up?", I say. He unhooks my arms from behind him, hanging onto my hands.

"Carolynne, you make me a better person and I can't imagine my life without you. I want you to spend the rest of my life with me. I love you. Will you marry me?". He is kneeling in front of me, pulling a red box out of his pocket - a bulge that I hadn't even noticed earlier.

I almost can't talk because I'm looking down at the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. It sparkles in the evening sun. I'm crying.

"Hell yes!", I say. He stands up and wraps his arms around me. He is shaking like a leaf. He tries to put the ring on my finger and is so nervous that he almost puts it on the wrong hand. We're laughing and then I'm crying. He's kissing me all over my face and neck. "Thank you", he keeps saying. "Thank you, thank you."

As if I could have said no.

Looking on the bright side - or, rather, the side with booze

2007-05-22T18:49:00.000-04:00

What is it about The Biggest Looser that is so addicting? I'm watching a Looser marathon on Bravo right now and I forgot how much I love this show. There's something about a boot camp mentality that I just really enjoy. That's the kind of workout I love - something that is really going to push my body to its limits. That's why I wanted to run a marathon in the first place. It's why I love spinning classes and kickboxing. I love a workout that is going to kick my ass.

This weekend was suppose to be a crazy intense kick-my-ass kind of a weekend, as I was suppose to be running 26.2 miles on Saturday. Instead, I'm going to make the best out of things and just enjoy an amazing weekend up in Traverse City. I raised almost $2500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, and part of that included a 2-night stay at the Grand Traverse Resort and Spa. So Bryce and I are going to go up, root my other team members on, and enjoy the weekend in Michigan wine country.

I'm not even bummed anymore about the marathon. I'm just so excited about this vacation . Just me and my wonderful boyfriend and some good wine. Does it get any better than that?

Plus, I'm going to run this freaking marathon in the fall I've decided. Yes, yes I will. I'm signed up to run the Detroit marathon in October. And I will make that marathon my bitch!

On a side note, I just saw a preview for a horror movie with Kevin Costner and Dane Cook. WTF?

On keeping EPT in business

2007-05-18T11:14:00.000-04:00

I get so freaked out about getting pregnant that about once every 4 months I panic and buy a pregnancy test, only to have it come back glowingly negative and obviously mocking me. But still totally worth the $9.

Today was one of those days.

Life has just been incredibly stressful lately, what with the marathon that I'm training for that I just found out I won't be able to complete due to a knee injury that just isn't healing in time, and finding out that my friends have been saying not-so-nice things about me behind my back (what is this - high school?), to the fact that my boyfriend is planning to ask me to be his in a permanent, forever kind of a way and I want to be over the top excited but I can't act like I know anything and I can't talk about it until it happens. And so life goes - when it rains it pours.

My best friend Sarah and I had a girl's night on Tuesday. We drank wine. We watched the Gilmore Girls Series Finale (and cried, of course). We baked cupcakes (ok, when I say "we" I mean that she baked and I watched and tasted the batter - I like to think I'm the best kind of cooking co-pilot). It was great.

Sarah has been my best friend since college, when we roomed blind and ended up together. She thought I was going to be freakishly obese because I told her, in the first conversation we ever had, that the year before I had broken my bed (which was the truth, actually. I broke my bed. And not from hot sex either!) And so it began. 8 years later and still going strong.

Hey, maybe I should make us matching sweatshirts that say: "Carolynne and Sarah - Rocking it since 1999".

Anyway, here I sit. Not pregnant. Not engaged. Not running a marathon. Not much of anything besides overly stressed. But life could be a whole lot worse. I could be freakin pregnant, right?! And at least it's Friday. So I'm officially going to stop whining and start enjoying the weekend. ... Right after I eat this cupcake.

I love rainy days

2007-05-09T15:15:00.000-04:00

Things I am loving right now:
- grilled ham and provolone cheese and tomato sandwiches

- working from home

- spending my "lunch hour" finishing my book and starting a new one

- smelling the rain through the open windows of my house

- my dogs head in my lap as I type this

- a vase full of blooming lilacs on my kitchen table

- thinking of my boyfriend and I, curled up on the couch, watching my newly purchase copy of Stranger Than Fiction later this evening

Spring Fever

2007-05-08T13:01:00.000-04:00

Churchill Downs has comfy grass. Especially when you've had a few Mint Juleps.

This weekend the boyfriend and I drove down to Kentucky to watch the most illustrius of horse races - The Kentucky Derby. We only decided to go about a week ago. I'm like that sometimes. I hate to plan anything, I'm more prone to last minute "let's get the hell out of here", pack up and leave style of travel. As you can imagine, the airlines love me. But not for this trip. For this trip we drove the 6 hours down to Louisville, arriving at about 4am Saturday morning. We slept a few hours in the car and then headed over to the downs. We spent all afternoon drinking whiskey and betting on horse races and speaking with Southern accents.

We didn't actually get to see the big race because, by the time the actual Derby came on, the infield was insanely crowded with sweaty, drunk people and we couldn't even see the track. Plus we were sweaty and drunk ourselves, so we headed out to a restaurant to ring in Cinco de Mayo with margaritas and yummy Mexican food.

And even though we got pulled over because Bryce was going 35 in a 45 (seriously? who pulls people over for going too slow?), I had a great time.

I love running away for the weekend.

Eeee ...

2007-05-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

I just bought a MacBook!

Quiet brain, or I'll stab you with a toothpick

2007-05-01T18:14:00.000-04:00

I wouldn't say I'm high-maintenance, rather I'm high-energy. That sounds worse than it is, I guess. I just am one of those people who starts 5 projects to every 1 that I actually finish. I'm always moving, always working on something - usually more than one thing at once. I'm constantly changing courses, depending on what's holding my interest at any given moment. I've been known to change trains of thought in the middle of a sentence even.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Anyway, my boyfriend just got off the phone with me to take a nap. The whole concept of a nap at 6:20 in the evening doesn't make any sense to me. It's benefit eludes me. I can remember a period in college when I got my best sleeping done during the day, but that was when I didn't really have a set schedule most days and was up at all hours of the night. Besides, I didn't really sleep all that much in college - mostly I drank a lot of coffee. Sometimes I used to nap on the couch in the Natural Science 4th floor lounge in between classes. That couch seriously rocked. Although, now that I think about it, god knows what nasty business went on there when I wasn't napping on it. Ew. But I digress.

I've been feeling really antsy lately, and more scattered than usual. I go through periods of change like this from time to time. I can usually tell that my mind is working on something in my life that needs to change because I end up awake at 2 in the morning cleaning out my closets or organizing my junk drawer (like, seriously, why? I mean the whole concept of this drawer is that it's suppose to be in shambles). It's like my mind won't let me in on what it's working on, but yet at the same time won't let me sleep, so I clean. I know most people would watch tv or read a book, but I clean. Don't judge me.

In the meantime, I'll be over here - alphabetizing my DVD collection.

Open Letter to the Internet Drones

2007-04-24T11:46:00.000-04:00

Dear friendly people of Costco.com,

Are you trying to drive me crazy? Why do you ship something so quickly out of your warehouse, only to have it take almost a week to get to my house? I know my mother always told me that I had a problem with delaying gratification, so maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's the pretty new camera that I ordered - the manufacturer convinced me that I just couldn't live without it, that if I didn't order it RIGHT NOW my hair might fall out and my dog would die and I would never again be able to experience joy. Either way, it doesn't matter. You, people of Costco.com, are the ones who are holding my magnificent digital camera hostage - A.K.A. the key to my entire future's happiness. So please be so kind as to deliver it to my house, without further delay. I'm kind of fond of my hair. And my dog, for that matter. Hurry, for their sake if not for my own.

Thank you,
Online Shopper #6152949

Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming

2007-04-16T16:27:00.000-04:00

This whole Virgina Tech thing has gotten me all worked up this afternoon. I can't stop refreshing CNN, watching as the story progresses. 32 students dead. I can't help but imagine what it would have been like if something like this had happened when I was at Michigan State. How would it have been to be wandering around my dorm room or just sitting in class, and hear gunshots ring through the air. How would I have handled it?

It's the kind of thing that makes you realize how life really is what you make of it. I'm sure none of those students had any idea upon waking this morning that something like this was going to happen. All you can do is live and enjoy life as much as possible.

I've decided today to think about and focus on all the great things I have in my life and all the reasons that I have to be happy. It's important that we enjoy what we can while we still can. I invite you all to do the same.

Moving on up

2007-04-11T15:22:00.000-04:00

Why do I have the themesong for The Jefferson's stuck in my head right now?

Dang.

Camera-phone update

2007-04-09T11:44:00.000-04:00

I talked so much this weekend that I'm not feeling much like words today. So in lieu of an actual post, here is my life for the past few weeks - as captured by my cell phone.

Here's me at work this morning. Please note how excited I am that it's Monday.

I got to see the Pistons beat the Denver Nuggets two weeks ago! From the front row! I am officially a high roller.

My boyfriend likes to pretend he doesn't like my cat, but here we have evidence to the contrary

I like to pretend I'm not a biter. But guess what - I am.And he loves it.

So this is how it happens

2007-04-06T00:21:00.000-04:00

Maybe I've finally hit that point in my life I can call my quarter-life crisis. I think I'm losing my mind. Has anyone seen it anywhere?

Let me list the evidence for you:

1. I might want to leave mortgages. I don't really know what I want to do, but I know it entails something more stable. I don't even have anything else on my resume (besides "excellent smartass" and "really good with a hole punch") so I have no idea what I would want to do, but I just I woke up at 5 in the morning the other night and thought to myself, I need to get a different job.

2. I can't stand the thought of living in Michigan anymore, with the economy the way it is. I need to get out. But to where?

3. My best friend and I are fighting. The whole thing is mental. I don't even know what happened but apparently our friendship, in a three month span of time, has suddenly become expendable.

4. I signed up to run a marathon in the end of May. Good Lord, can I do this? I feel so ill prepared to run 26.2 miles in less than 2 months time. What the fuck did I get myself into?

5. Two days ago it was 75-degrees, and this morning I woke up to this:
What the hell is going on around here anyway?

Good lord, is it the weekend yet?

2007-03-22T14:39:00.000-04:00

I had to get out of my office this afternoon, and I always get so distracted when I try to work from home (tivo!), so I'm sitting in the Barnes and Noble Cafe being one of those pretentious, I'm-so-important-that-I need-to-type-on-my-laptop-while-others-watch people today. I even have my hair twisted up with a pencil, I'm so haughty and intellectual.

I'm also trying to sip my coffee with an air of disdain.

This place is really packed today. Maybe it's the rainy weather outside right now. Personally, I love rainy days. Especially those early-spring days where it feels like mother nature is trying to wash away what's left of the winter. Go on and get, I say! Winter and I are no longer on speaking terms since last week when it went from 65-degrees, grilling chicken outside, wearing shorts and a t-shirt weather to snow blanketing everything in less than 24 hours. That is what I like to call bullshit. And I am sick of this bullshit snow. I am so ready for Spring. I need sun and warm breezes through open windows. Enough with winter already.

Why does it smell like popcorn in here?

What work am I getting done, you might ask? Well, none, now that you mention it. Perhaps I should try and be a little productive already.

6 weird things about me

2007-03-13T00:16:00.000-04:00

(stolen from Dana)

1. I hate feet. They freak me out totally. I can't even imagine them touching my skin or I get the heebie-jeebies. It's something about the nails I think. They are SO much worse than fingernails.

2. I'm oddly claustrophobic. It's not all the time, but in certain situations I get all weird. Like in a movie theater, I totally have to sit on the end. Or in bed, I always have to sleep in the side that is closest to the door and isn't against a wall or anything. It's like I need an easy escape route or something.

3. I CAN'T STAND that sound a cell-phone makes when the battery is dying. You know those people, who leave their phone on even though the battery is low, just in case "someone needs to get in touch with" them, so it just keeps making that low-battery noise over and over again for hours? I want to punch them. That sound is like my cryptonite. It drives me freaking insane.

4. I am fiercely competitive. I mean about everything. Like today I was sitting at a stop light and a girl in the little Toyota sitting next to me started inching up and I was all, "Oh, it's on, bitch." I can't even let someone beat me off a green traffic light.

5. I love eating SunChips by dipping them in cottage cheese. Yum.

6. I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. I freak out when people don't know the proper usage of your and you're, or used words like irregardless and supposably, or spell the word through as "thru". And when people misuse the word ironic, it sends me over the edge. It's proper english people; use it.

Sunshine goodness

2007-03-11T14:09:00.000-04:00

Today is one of those beginning-of-Spring days that reminds you of why life is oh so very good. This morning I woke up, made some pancakes for myself and the boy, and now I'm sitting here, still in my pajamas, enjoying the delicious smell coming in through the open window to my left.

I have to run 10 miles today, trying to get in shape for a marathon I'm running in the end of May. Considering that I've been training in 10 and 20-degree weather, this 50-something day couldn't be a better way to do my first long run.

I'm just loving life so much today.

Spring fever

2007-03-09T12:57:00.000-05:00

It's really quiet in my office right now as most everyone is out for a Friday lunch on this almost-spring, semi-warm March afternoon. I'm lingering behind mostly because I brought my lunch and would rather save my money for beer drinking tonight during the MSU basketball game, but also because I enjoy these little moments of quiet during the work-day. It's so rare when this actually happens and I wanted to take advantage.

I've been thinking more and more about leaving Michigan. The economy is slow and depressing. The weather (especially this time of year) is dreary and cold. I don't really feel like there is anything holding me here anymore. I love my family and friends and would definitely miss them, but I'm feeling more and more lately that I need a fresh start. Something about the coming of Spring this year is making me feel antsy - itching for adventure and new beginnings.

My top choices right now are Denver and Portland, Oregon. I want to live somewhere that still has 4 seasons, and also somewhere that has a good, strong economy but where you wake up every morning to mountains in the distance. Someplace where nature and city meet in perfect dichotomy. The Metro-Detroit area is just so downtrodden right now. I think the West and Pacific-North coast are both regions that are doing well, and also still hold that laid-back, 'take it as it comes' attitude that I crave in my life.

So I'm sort of starting to make plans in my head. Plans that are actually starting to take more of a solid shape. It's both exciting and a little scary to be thinking this way. So many possibilities!

Awake is the new sleep

2007-02-17T00:06:00.000-05:00

Why the fuck can't I sleep? It's like I can't shut my mind off anymore. All these thoughts, and yet I can't find an articulate why to get them out of my head and into the world. This is so not like me - this verbal constipation. Usually I am not at a loss for what to say or how to say it.

Meh.

Try to act your age. I dare you.

2007-02-14T00:31:00.000-05:00

Lately I feel like I can never sleep at the appropriate times. Like right now, when I have to get up and go to work in the morning, I'm wide awake. Baking chocolate chip cookies. And doing laundry. (Yes, I am the most fun girl you know. You and I should totally party together). But tomorrow morning, when my alarm goes off, I will hit snooze 67 times and think about how pissed my boss would really be if I just came in after lunch and slept the entire morning.

What the hell is the matter with me? You'd think that by 26 I'd have this whole 'sleeping like an adult' thing down pat.

Well, maybe with this blizzard that we're suppose to get tonight, I won't have to go in to the office tomorrow.

Yay! Snow Day!
... Yeah. So much for thinking like an adult.

And then there was one

2007-02-07T15:33:00.000-05:00

So I've got this boy. And I don't really know what to say about it other than I'm happy all the way down to my toes. I've only really been seeing him since New Year's Eve (even though he's actually been in my life for a few years now in a peripheral way), but I feel like, stick a fork in me - I'm done.

It's not like I was even looking for anything serious, especially given the fact that I recently broke up with someone serious. I mean, I was dating and all, but that was mostly for something to do, a temporary amusement. But also, I'm not getting any younger, and when you've just broken up with someone who you actually thought you might marry you kind of feel like you can't just sit around, you need to get back out there. Which was all I was doing.

But then this boy came along. And we've been sort of friends for awhile, meaning I knew him and saw him in social situations every once in awhile. It was always that he was with someone else or I was with someone else, or maybe, truthfully, we never really took notice of each other before. Maybe my life was waiting for just the right moment to point him out to me, waiting for that exact moment when I would actually be ready for him.

Maybe this is exactly what destiny feels like.

Running with Cigarettes

2007-01-30T09:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting at home, watching the snow fall heavy outside my window. Should be a fun drive to work this morning.

I think I'm the only person that I know who actually gets excited about the snow. Something about it just makes me feel like a kid again. I want to go outside and run around - make snow angles and forts and giant snowmen. Plus there's something about the way it covers everything up and makes it look clean and fresh and so pretty. I just love it.

I've been meaning to post my New Year's Resolutions - you know, keep myself accountable by writing them down in a public forum - but the truth is, I don't really want to make any this year. I guess I should change that to say that I made some, wrote them all down on a piece of lined yellow paper, and then I tore them all up. It has begun to feel like the same regurgitated crap year after year. And isn't it? Quit smoking, lose 10 pounds, run a marathon. Same crap, different year.

I want 2007 to be different. I've decided that I only have one resolution for this year. I want to make sure that everyone in my life knows how special they are to me. That's it. That's all. Nothing else. I want my friends to know how important they are to me and how each one of them makes my life better in some way. I want my family to know how much love and appreciation I have for everything they do and are.

Oh, and maybe quit smoking, too.

Now I'm off to shovel out my car and head in to the office.
Have a good day everyone. Happy (Snow) Tuesday to you.

Vegas, baby. Vegas.

2007-01-18T11:25:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that I haven't posted since Thanksgiving! So much has been going on. I guess when your life gets busy there are certain things which fall to the wayside. For me, apparently that would be blogging. But hey, before you judge me too harshly, I just got back from Vegas! If Las Vegas and blogging were competing in the sumo wrestling competition that is life, Vegas would make blogging scream from mercy and tap out early. I dare you to tell me I'm wrong.

While my girlfriends and I were in Vegas this weekend, The City of Sin, we realized that there was another event going on beyond the normal sex, drugs, and debauchery. That's right, the Porn Awards were in town. The Porn Awards, people. If you think Vegas is great for people watching normally, you should see it when the porn-stars come out. Damn. I felt overdressed the entire time I was there. I probably would have felt overdressed in just my bra and panties.

The whole time I was there I got 3 1/2 hours of sleep, was drunk pretty much the entire time, spent a ton of money, and probably took a few years off my life in the process. It was a great time.

Turkey, with a side of NyQuil

2006-11-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

Pretty low-key Thanksgiving this year. Unusually low turn out. I was a little disappointed initially - I have this twisted side that just loves playing hostess - but it ended up being just right.

I usually have this sort of empty feeling after everyone goes home, back to their respective houses and families. I was really looking forward to this year because I had a boyfriend, someone who was living with me, so after everyone left he would still be here. My own little family.

Seeing as I no longer have said boyfriend, said family, I was a little apprehensive about tonight. In the end, I was actually pretty glad when everyone started packing up to leave. I enjoyed the silence, the peace, the aloneness. I curled up with cup of hot tea and a warm blanket and watched a few movies.

So, even though I still miss the boy and the shared companionship of being part of a couple, it was pretty nice in the end.

And now I'm going to drink a large amount of NyQuil and try desperately to stop coughing long enough to get some sleep. And pray I didn't get that bronchitis that Sarah has been moaning about for the past few days.

Good night, and happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Oh, everything.

2006-11-21T00:25:00.000-05:00

So I dropped the ball on the NaBloPoMo. I realize this. Actually, I realized it after I woke up last Friday and noticed that I hadn't hit "publish" on the drunken post I had tried to make the night before. Nice. After that I got sick and didn't really go near my computer, or do much of anything at all, the rest of the weekend.

I have to say my posts were getting a little starved for material anyway. I mean, come-on. My life is only so interesting. But I've decided to press on. I'll try to finish out the rest of the month. To the best of my ability, anyway.

So I'm sick. And yet I can't sleep. This is the bane of my existence. Especially since all day at work I kept putting my head on my desk because I had to "rest my eyes". Yes, I have turned into my Grandfather. I mean, who's eyes really need to be rested anyway? If it's anything, it's my brain that needs the rest. Or my nose, from blowing it so much. But I digress.

So this weekend, The Boy (as I've so named the hot 20 year-old I've been on a few dates with) turns 21. I'm not sure how much further I want things to go with him - he's sweet but I'm not ready to be anyone's girlfriend right now, and I think that's what he's looking for. But I do know one thing: everyone should have a 21st birthday to remember. Plus I have a lot of friends who are dying to relive their 21st birthdays. So I've decided that since a lot of his friends aren't able to for one reason or another, I'm going to show him a kick-ass birthday.

You all should pray for his immortal soul. We may be old, but we know how to party. We may very well kill this boy. But at least he will have had a 21st birthday that he can tell everyone about for years to come -- just like the rest of us.

And now I'm going to try desperately to get some sleep.

Happy my Thursday to you

2006-11-17T09:47:00.000-05:00

I am drunk. More tomorrow.

Leave the gun, bring the cannoli

2006-11-15T17:45:00.000-05:00

Someone recently asked me what my favorite movie is. I answered immediately with The Godfather (Part I, of course). "That's really morbid, " he responded. Why? Because people die in it? I mean, just because a movie has people die in it doesn't necessarily make it morbid.

The original Godfather is one of the greatest movies of all times. Sure, people die in it - I mean it is a movie about the mafia, but it's really all about the mental transformation of Al Pacino's character, Michael Corleone. Watching his psychological turn around from the start of the movie to the finish is just amazing. It's so well written, directed and acted. You feel like you are literally watching his mind transform, piece by piece. It's amazing.

Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie you need to add it to your list.

Float On

2006-11-14T23:21:00.000-05:00

Things I'm loving right now:
- Cotton Blossom lotion from Bath and Body Works
- homemade guacamole
- late night hot chocolate and good conversation
- tickets to the Piston's game on Friday
- party planning with my best friend
- BB King loud on my stereo
- the NaBloPoMo randomizer
- old photographs found while helping my mom clean her house
- realizing that dating sucks, but it can still be fun if I let it be

Argh

2006-11-13T23:21:00.000-05:00

Oh, I forgot how much I hate dating.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

That is all.

Evolution at it's finest

2006-11-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

What is it about guys doing manly things that is just so incredibly hot? Last night I got to watch my date change a flat tire and I have to tell you, it was the hottest thing I've seen in a long time. He kept saying, "No, go inside where it's warm. You don't need to stand out here and freeze with me." Very sweet, this guy.

But seriously, I was not cold. Not even a little bit. I was down-right warm, in fact. After he was done all I could think about was having those manly hands fix other things. Like, don't you need to change the oil or rebuild the car engine or maybe chop some wood? Anything.

I mean, maybe it's nature. As a woman I'm suppose to be attracted to the providers, the ones who can take care of me and protect me. I'm suppose to want to mate with those types. Well, maybe it's only a natural biological response, but I would let that boy provide for me any time he wants to.

I'll just be over here thinking about that.

Breaking up is hard to do

2006-11-11T17:58:00.000-05:00

My Dad headed up north this morning to prepare for opening day of deer season which, in Michigan, is basically a national holiday. This year he will be hunting with the ex-boyfriend and his family. I was so looking forward to him being able to go up with them, but now that we broke up it's put a bit of a damper on the whole thing for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad that my Dad still felt comfortable enough to go and that Ken felt comfortable enough to still have him up. That just goes to show how much our families really get along. But it feels a little awkward to me now, like everyone up there will be thinking, "Wow, this guy's really great. Too bad his moronic daughter broke up with our son/grandson/nephew." It freaks me out a little bit.

In a lot of ways, losing the family of the boyfriend that you dump is one of the worst things about the breakup. It's like you're breaking up with them too, except that you don't get to have the 'It's not you, it's me' discussion.

And I really, really liked his family. They were the kind of people that I could really picture wanting to be around for the rest of my life. The kind of people that I actually wanted to become a family with. It's just kind of a bummer that it didn't work out that way.

Well, I hope my Dad has a good time, anyway. And brings back some delicious deer meet for me to enjoy. Cause, even though I could never kill them, I sure as hell can enjoy the delicious venison spoils from someone else.

Friday night conversations

2006-11-10T20:20:00.000-05:00

Sarah: Hi! I had two margaritas with dinner!
Me: Excellent. Where did you go?
Sarah: ... Somewhere with margaritas.
Me: Yes, I would have guessed that.
Sarah: So, we're on our way to your house right now.
Me: Oh, well I think I have some catching up to do.
Sarah: Get to it!

... And now I'm off to drink copious amounts of Tequila. Hope you're having a good start to the weekend as well.

My chocolate heaven

2006-11-09T22:36:00.000-05:00

Today I happened to be in Williams-Sonoma, browsing, ogling expensive cookware, when I came across their very own hot chocolate mix. Now I'm not necessarily a lover of everything chocolate, but there's nothing quite like a mug of steamy hot chocolate on a chilly late fall night. When I popped off the lid and realized that it was essentially a big tin of bittersweet chocolate shavings, I fell instantly in love.

Powdered chocolate mix?, it said to me. You thought that was good?, it mocked.

Well, people, have a look at this:

Powder is for pussies.

Tonight I came home, warmed a pot of milk on the stove, and slowly whisked in some of the beautiful brown curls of chocolate. It turned into this creamy, rich, dark chocolate almost-sauce. Then I poured it in my favorite mug and settled in to watch Gray's Anatomy.

I would not be lying if I told you it was the best mug of hot chocolate that I have ever had. Nor would I be lying if I told you that at more than one point I thought to myself, this is better than sex. I would not even be lying if I told you that those few precious moments - drinking that orgasm in a mug, watching beautiful men being all manly with scalpels and stuff - was the best "me" time I've spent in a long, long time.

How about a little sex talk to go with that beer

2006-11-08T21:58:00.000-05:00

I just got home from a benefit for a friend of mine's cousin who recently developed CLL Leukemia. The poor guy, like many of us, has crap insurance which barely covers anything and is struggling to beat this horrible disease and yet still keep food in the fridge. So in honor (and to help) his struggle, we all got drunk and watched some stand-up comedy.

Hey, whatever I can do to help my fellow man.

We were sitting at a table near the front and the guy asks is anyone in the crowd married. My mom (of course) waves her hands. Um, hello, everyone knows that at a comedy show you do not under any circumstances draw attention to yourself. My Mom does not know, or even care about, rules such as these. So he asks her do you and your husband, you know, still ... *insert Billy Crystal patented fist pump into the air*

Everyone at the table laughs and points to me, like this whole discussion is so incredibly inappropriate due to the fact that her daughter is right here. Like, wow, how uncomfortable this must be for her. And then for the rest of the night everyone kept looking at my and doing the fist pump.

Thanks, Mom. I love that even though I'm 26, you can still find ways to embarrass me in public.

When it rains, it pours

2006-11-07T17:24:00.000-05:00

Today was the day from hell. I had major work issues, I had to go to the voting booths in the pissing rain, and on top of that I'm missing Ken more than ever. Why does everything have to go so terribly wrong all at once?

I'm heading home to drink wine and smoke naughty cigarettes with Sarah.

Mrs. Robinson

2006-11-06T17:59:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday was my Grandma's 90th birthday party. My Aunt planned a big open house and invited basically everyone that my Grandma has ever known her entire life. Then she had the whole family working like slaves for two days, making flower arrangements, decorating tables, hanging balloons and streamers and crape paper. It really did look nice in the end, and my Grandma didn't stop smiling the whole day.

We hired a caterer to bring in some appetizers and finger foods for the guests to eat. The food was excellent, but even better was the caterer's son - a delicious specimen of man-meat, complete with an apron. I don't know what it is about a guy who can cook. Maybe it's just me, but damn. Either way, everyone at the party was noticing him. Even my Grandma was like, "Mmm, I'll have a slice of him along with my cake."

I figured it would be pretty hard for him to hit on me at my family party, plus I had no idea if he was even available or not, so I decided that the ball was pretty much in my court. I have to say that it was pretty fun to flirt again, especially with the cute caterer, on the sly, at my family party. And it was even more fun to be victorious and have him hang around to help us clean up just so that he could ask for my number at the end of the day.

Ah, sweet victory.

My cousin Krista happened to overhear the exchange and we all started talking about how I got the cute caterer's number. "You know he's like 6 years younger than you, right?", my Mom said. "What are you talking about?!", I asked her. "Well, I heard his Mom tell someone that he graduated from high school in 2004."

Holy fuck.

So, apparently I'm into jail-bate these days. At least (I'm pretty sure) he's 21. Plus, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but he's freakin hot. And who cares if he graduated from high school two years after I graduated from college. And who cares that when I graduated from high school he was like 12.

Wait - 12? ... Dude.

Well, anyway, he was freakin hot.

This is your brain on tequila shots

2006-11-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

At Costco this morning, I reach out to hand the cashier my money and in the process end up dropping all the coins on the counter.

Me: Sorry, it's been one of those days.
Him: Big party?
Me: Bachelorette party last night. It was pretty crazy. I didn't get much sleep.
Him: ... Gotcha

I think we're being all conspiratorial when it suddenly occurs to me that he's talking about the fact that I am in the process of paying for 2 birthday cakes and 5 boxes of cream puffs. And I'm wearing a skirt. And heels.

Me: Oh, and my Grandma's turning 90 today!
Him: Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Have fun with that.

I am the smoothest girl ever.

An open letter

2006-11-04T00:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Red Bull Energy Drink,

I don't think I tell you often enough, but I love you. You make nights out at the bar so much more interesting. It's like I'm drunk, but I just never get tired. What - it's 2 am already? No, it can't be! I want to keep dancing! I could dance all night, in fact! Maybe I'll just go home and dance in my living room all by myself, with no music, because who can sleep already?

Come to think of it, you make the work-day better, too. I've never been so productive! I can do the work of 10 of me. Maybe I'll clean my entire desk from top to bottom. And do the same for everyone in my office. I'll admit that it is hard to write anything when my hands are shaking like this, but the upside is totally worth it. I'm like a superhuman version of myself.

I'm sure my boss and co-workers love me better, too. The way I won't shut up. Or sit down. Or let anyone finish a presentation without interjecting every 5 seconds with my own brilliant insights. They love how spontaneous I can be. You sure do bring out that side of me.

Sometimes, late at night, when I can't sleep no matter what I try, and I've cleaned every room in my house, and I've begun pulling out strands of my own hair just to see if I can still feel anything, I think that you might be pure liquid evil.

But mostly, I just love you.

Thanks again,
Carolynne

NaBloPoMo

2006-11-03T16:31:00.000-05:00

Why is it that as soon as I agreed to post every single day for an entire month, nothing seems to be worth posting about? Moreover, it seems that life in general has become rather boring.

Must work on that.

Feel This Book

2006-11-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

I was at my Mom's house this evening, trying to help her sort through some clutter and get organized before she gets the house painted. I came across this book written by Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo back in 99 - an "essential guide to self-empowerment, spiritual supremacy, and sexual satisfaction". My Mom didn't even remember purchasing it. I'm guessing it was in one of those 25-cent bins at the back of the library or something.

I had to take it home with me.

Let me give you a few chapter titles from the Table of Contents:
Why Do I Hate You So Much?
Eight Dumbass Ways We Fuck Ourselves Up
Do You Even Deserve a Relationship?
Why Can't I Sleep Around and Still Love You?
How to Fake an Orgasm to Show Your Love
Maybe I'm So Psychologically Damaged That I Need Professional Help That a Book Won't Solve

The best part is that they don't even correspond to actual chapters in the book.

I can't wait to read it.

Ode to a Holiday Dedicated to the Pursuit of Sugar

2006-11-01T22:27:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that it's November already. Where did 2006 go to? It doesn't feel so long ago that I was ringing in the New Year, and now it's about time to do that all over again.

Yesterday was Halloween, and although not many kids showed up at my door, I carved pumpkins and passed out candy and pretended I was twelve years old again. I baked pumpkin seeds and ate too much candy and laughed until my face hurt. And then I curled up on my couch with all the lights out to watch scary movies.

I miss being twelve.

Hearts akimbo

2006-10-24T22:38:00.000-04:00

This picture pretty much sums up my evening:

Me and you and a bottle makes three tonight.
... Well, three if you count my dog as the "you" part. Which I totally do.

I suppose I should be watching the Tiger's game, but as much as I love that my town's team is in the World Series, baseball just can not hold my attention. Now basketball; there's a game I can sink my teeth into. And don't even get me started on all those tall, sweaty men running up and down the court. That's much more my kind of sport. But I digress.

My boyfriend moved out a few weeks ago and I feel like I'm kind of drifting right now. Everything feels different, yet the same. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut, yet totally lost, all at the same time.

Part of me wants a family and a home, warm with children and the smells of good food and full of love. A safe haven. A place to grow old.

But part of me feels like I haven't lived enough yet. Part of me wants to see the world - to just load my car and leave. Head west. Just drive until I find whatever it is I'm looking for. Take lots of pictures and eat in lots of little diners, meeting interesting people. To just experience life in a raw, real way.

I look around my house - a house that I bought myself, and that I painted and decorated, and that I love - and I feel trapped. Claustrophobic. I suddenly feel like I did it all backwards. Like I was so desperate for some kind of a place to feel like a home - like the home I never had but always wanted - that at 23 I set down roots. As deep as I possibly could.

And now I'm waking up to realize that I never really had a chance to experience anything else but this.

A part of me wants to get in my car tomorrow and spend 2 months just driving across America, soaking it all up. Or buy a plane ticket to Europe and hike around, spending every last dime I have on hostels and bottles of good Italian wine.

Why does it feel like everything great is just something I read in a book. I'm sick of just reading about it. I want to live it. I want to experience it.

The last visage of my youth

2006-09-25T09:58:00.000-04:00

I know that I'm old now and I've been living on my own (not counting the college dorms) for over 6 years, but I'm sort of sentimental from time to time about growing up. See, I have this spoon holder that sits next to my stove. My Mom gave it to me when I got my first apartment. It was kind of that first "grown up" item - the first thing I got that really made me feel like an adult.

Yesterday it broke.

It has broken before and Ken repaired it, but I think that it might be time to retire the poor dear.

*sigh*

Rainy day blues

2006-09-18T12:36:00.000-04:00

Today is one of those days where I wish I were still a nanny, like in college. It's one of those chilly, rainy days where I can think of nothing better than going on a field trip to an art museum or a science museum. Maybe somewhere with a big planetarium where you can sit and watch the constellations move. Or maybe someplace with an interactive display of a village from the 1800s, with actual cobblestone streets that you can stroll down.

Afterward we could go to grab lunch at the museum cafe, sitting in the covered courtyard to consume our deli sandwiches and individual bags of potato chips. Then we'd head to the gift shop to look around. Maybe buy one of the books or stuffed dinosaurs or silly postcards to take home.

The price is wrong, bitch

2006-09-13T15:27:00.000-04:00

Deal-breakers. You know, those little things that in-and-of themselves are enough to kill any future potential with someone? I've been thinking about mine today.

Aside from the obvious 'he calls me/his mother/any woman standing nearby a bitch' or 'he has a serious drug problem' or 'he beat the crap out of me that one time', here are my personal deal-breakers:

* fussy eater - if you won't even try that california roll or won't pick up your chicken tenders with your fingers, then we have issues. I mean what else won't you eat or touch with your fingers? One has to wonder.

* fussy about my dog - if you're too worried about getting hair or drool on your pants to get down and pet my dog, how are you going to be with your children someday? I mean seriously. A girl's got to think about these things.

* fussy about my friends - yes, I have a lot of guy friends. Just becuase I have male friends does not mean I am having sex with them.

* fussy around people - I am very social. If crowds scare you or make you uncomfortable, then you and I can probably not party together.

* fussy, in general - I like the sensitive type just as much as the next girl, but if you cry along with me when we're watching The Notebook, it's just not going to work out.

I'm surrounded by morons

2006-09-10T16:27:00.000-04:00

Ken and I were driving home last night with my cousin, Bryan, from the MSU football game, cruising down the expressway, when some guy came out of nowhere and side-swiped us. He just veering right into our lane and tore of the driver's side mirror on my brand new Envoy and kept right now going.

My brand new Envoy. The one I've had for less than 2 weeks. The really pretty new white one that I practically just drove home from the dealer. Yeah, that one.

Ken sped up to catch the guy, honking and flashing his lights, but the guy was going over 100-miles an hour, weaving in and out of traffic to lose us. I'm white-knuckling the dashboard, yelling at Ken, "That son of a bitch! Can you see his license plate? Fuckmotherfuckingfuck!".

My poor cousin. He had to learn the hard way that his supposedly good-natured cousin has the mouth of a truck driver when she's pissed off. Or the mouth of Samuel L. Jackson, perhaps.

Finally we get his plate number and give up, deciding to call the police and have his drunk-ass hauled into jail and dealt with in the proper manner. The dispatcher tells me that they will put an APB out right away, and that we should come into the station to file a police report. "Absolutely! We'll be there as soon as we can!", I tell him, picturing the wheels of justice turning already.

By the time we drop off Bryan, grab some food for dinner, and head into the police station it's been almost and hour and a half. I'm picturing him already caught by the police, sitting in the cell at the station, miserable and alone, where I can taunt him for thinking he could get away from us. Or else, the police and I will have a conspiratorial chat about the dangers of drunk driving and the beauty of the criminal system.

I mean, it's like a really big deal to drive away from the scene of an accident, right?

Yeah, right. The police at the station patiently listened to our account of the evening's events. They had us fill out a stack of forms and give them copies of our driver's licenses. They confirmed the make an model of the SUV that hit us with a quick look-up of his license plate number that we had so diligently written down, and, oh, ha ha! he must have been on his way home judging by the direction he was headed when we last saw him.

The cop looks at me, smiles, and says, "So, what happens now ... ". I'm figuring they're going to send out like 4 cop cars to surround his house, throw a can of tear gas in his window, and drag his ass in to jail. ... "is that we are going to send him a letter. Which he has 10 days to respond to. "

OK, but then they issue a warrant for his arrest, right?

"If he does not call or come in to the station within that time," (for this part he actually rises out of his seat and leans toward me, like this is when he means business), "then we will send him a second letter."

What? Are you kidding me? A second letter? Just in case the problem was that the post office screwed up and he didn't receive the first one?

"And then what?", I ask him, totally dumb-founded at this point. "Well, if he still doesn't respond, then it will go on his permanent record".

Oh good. Because he seemed like someone who really cared about his permanent record.

Revenge is sweet.

So I guess the moral of the story is, if you drive drunk and you hit someone/something/some person, just keep driving. In fact, go home! Or even better, go back out to the bar and drink some more!

But just watch out for the strongly worded letter that will be arriving in your mailbox any day now.

Apocalypse Now

2006-08-04T20:43:00.000-04:00

My Mom and I are going to walk in the up coming Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk here in Detroit, which consists of us raising $2200 each and then walking 60 miles over the course of three days to raise money for breast cancer research. So yes, that basically means that they are charging us money and then torturing us. Sounds good right?

And in this heat, no less. Record temps! In the words of the illustrious Lewis Black, if you walk outside in weather like this and don't say the word fuck OUTLOUD, then you have anger issues.

Well, people, fuck, it's hot out there.

And my Mom and I are still trying to finish raising the last of our money, so last weekend we decided to have a garage sale. I have to tell you, it's too hot right now to even look out the window, let alone sit outside for two full days trying not to melt like Frosty the Snowman.

Luckily we set up what I like to call a high-tech"sun shelter".

Equally as luckily, I had friends and family who were willing to subject themselves to the harsh elements just to help me.

However, the cupcakes that we made didn't fair quite as well as we did.

We took turns going into the air-conditioned house to cool off and at one point we even ran to the market to buy a giant box of popsicles. We started selling cold bottles of water to the garage-salers, and you would have thought they were liquid heaven. It was a surprisingly fun couple of days, actually. And we raised almost $500 towards our cause.

But seriously, fuck. It was hot out there. Yes, I know that in one weeks time I plan on not only being outside for three days straight, but also WALKING 60 MILES, but I'm praying for one of those rare mid-August Michigan snowstorms.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Me: The Domestic Goddess

2006-07-17T23:40:00.000-04:00

I baked a pretty pie this weekend.

... And actually remembered to take a picture of it before I ate it!

If I should die before I wake ...

2006-07-10T21:08:00.000-04:00

Why is it that whenever you walk into a funeral parlor there is always that one man, with the dark hair and dark suit, looking at you seemingly disapproving. "May I help you?", he'll ask. I know he is just trying to be somber, this being a serious place and all, but I always feel like I'm being busted doing something I shouldn't - like he thinks I've only walked in to steal flowers and flip over coffins or something.

One of my good friend's father died on Friday. He came home from work to find him in the backyard, laying at the foot of a ladder with his heart medicine laying at his feet. He tried to give him mouth-to-mouth, but it was too late. The flies had already come. The medical examiner told them when he got there that his Dad must have been gone at least 15 minutes by the time he was found.

He had been very sick, and eighteen months ago the doctors told him he only had six months to live. Tonight at the viewing you could see the grief on everyone's face, but you could also sense a kind of relief. It was a relief that he was finally without pain, and also thankfulness that they had him as long as they did.

It's kind of odd to be on the periphery of something like that - close enough that you can taste it a little in the back of your throat, but not close enough to really feel its full impact. I always walk away from those situations feeling a little more real, a little more in touch with life - like death grounds you in a way that nothing else can.