Pie: the new crack cocaine

I wanted to post a picture today of the beautiful strawberry-rhubarb pie that I made from scratch this afternoon but, well, there's only two pieces left. One and a half, actually. Hmm ... maybe I should go finish that other half right now. I mean, it's just sitting there being all half eaten and stuff. What's that Taco Bell commercial - 4th meal? It could totally be my fourth meal. Well, fifth really, considering I already had two pieces earlier. Yeah, maybe I should just leave that for tomorrow's forth meal.

It's really not like I ate the whole pie myself. My neighbor gave me some fresh rhubarb out of her garden a few days ago and, as she was the inspiration for the pie to begin with, I had to give her and her husband a few pieces. Then my boyfriend stopped by and had a piece. Well, actually he was on his way home from work and I dared him to eat a piece of the pie and not ask me to marry him (he didn't, come to think of it), and then he had to take a few pieces home for his parents.

So now, from a pie that I baked a few hours ago, I am left with only one and a half pieces. Man, I have to stop being so generous with my baked goods.

Coffee and razerblades

She can barely focus her eyes at me from across the table. "Look, I'm just saying that you should get married already. Settle down". She finishes this last sentence with a bang of her first on the lacquered wood.
"Yeah..."
"Well, I want some grandchildren before I die, for GODDSAKES!". I can feel the people at nearby tables starting to take notice of us.
"Mom, keep your voice down. Please", I say.
"I'm just SAYING!"
"No, I got it. I got it."
"Well, if you love him then make a commitment to him for goddsakes".
I'm beginning to regret giving her the rest of my martini - her third. I should know better. The woman cannot hold her liquor at all. My mind begins to compute the amount of time it will take to get the bill, pay, and get her in the car. It seems like an eternity.
"Get married on a beach in Maui! No need to plan something big and elaborate. Just do it, and have some BABIES already."
I look desperately around for the waitress.
"Just one". She's wagging her index finger at me. Shit, shit, shit. I finally see the waitress and manage to flag her down.
"Mom, I'm running to the bathroom. When I come back we're leaving".
"Just don't forget what we talked about. Make a commitment! For your father and I! Before we die!". She's yelling these last few words at my back as I dash across the crowded restaurant and into the ladies room.
Inside I splash some cold water on my face and stare at my own dazed expression in the mirror. I couldn't even make this shit up, I think to myself. Suddenly running off to Maui isn't sounding so bad.

These are the days of our lives

I should be at work today, but I'm using the fact that my car is making a very disconcerting noise to convince myself (and my boss) that I really should work from home today. I can be productive at home, I swear. Really. ... It's just that the tv is so tempting. And there are so many good things to read on the internet. Oh, and the bed, the bed looks so warm and inviting. Oh, let's face facts. The day is a wash. I guess I might as well go crawl into bed and watch some tv.

See, this is why I shouldn't be allowed to work from home. EVER.

I've been feeling very dissatisfied with my life lately. Not so much the generality of my existence - I'm pretty happy being me - but the feeling that I've done almost nothing of significance with my life so far. I'm still living in Michigan. I got a college degree that is practically useless. I have a job that I like, but that doesn't have any real stability to it. I'm not any closer to being married than I was back in high-school. In fact, the only real things that I have now that I didn't have in high-school are a dog and a mortgage payment.

I look at friends who have moved away or who are doing these amazing internships is places like Brazil and San Diego, and I wonder what is wrong with me that I am still here in the same place I was in when I graduated from high-school. Why did I not study abroad in Europe for a semester in college? Why didn't I spend a summer in some fun place like Martha's Vineyard or New York City, when money didn't matter and I had no real commitments? I had all these opportunities to get out and see the world and I never took any of them.

I go back and forth between wanting to just sell my house and join the peace corp, to thinking that it's too late and I'm too old to sacrifice everything and just go.

I am in such a funk right now.

Everybody's doing it ...

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD:
1. buser/ hostess - at this little Italian restaurant in my home-town. I loved it because I could sneak back into the kitchen and eat as much food as I could talk the chief's into preparing for me. Plus the waitresses taught me how to smoke pot - and I found out that, contrary to popular belief, you CAN get high the first time.
2. flower pusher - I ran the Sam's Club floral department, which actually only consisted of a small cart filled with buckets of pre-packaged flowers. I got very good at looking cute in my green apron, reading on the clock, and wandering around the store trying to look busy - oh, and making out with my boyfriend, who worked in the produce department, in the walk-in cooler.
3. nanny - In college I watched this little girl, Clare, three days a week. I got paid under the table and I could watch tv all I wanted. Best job ever. I worked for them for 3 years.
4. mortgage banker - my current gig. I've been doing this for over 3 years now, since I graduated from college, and I love it.

FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
1. Office Space - this movie is my life in so many ways
2. Groundhog's Day - it doesn't matter what part of the movie you come in at, you can just jump right in
3. 50 First Dates - don't ask me why, but this movie gets me everytime. I just love it.
4. Pulp Fiction - so many good lines

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. Mt. Clemens, MI - born and raised
2. East Lansing, MI - during my most formative and life-shaping college years at Michigan State University
3. Sterling Heights, MI - with my Grandma for 6 months after I graduated, when I realized there was no way I could live with my parents ever again
4. Royal Oak, MI - finally bought my own house about 3 1/2 years ago, worth every penny

FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE:
1. Gray's Anatomy - I dare you not to love this show!
2. The Daily Show - Oh, Jon Stewart, you with your sarcastic wit, how I adore you
3. Soprano's - counting down the days until the next season starts
4. Chappelle's Show - Dave, why have you forsaken us?

FOUR PLACES I HAVE VACATIONED:
1. Alaska - with my Grandmother, no less. If you have three hours, maybe I can show you all the pictures we took.
2. Michigan's Upper Peninsula - two weeks, crammed into a little Ford Tempo with my then-boyfriend, driving all over the place, camping the whole way.
3. Out West - every summer when I was growing up, my parents and I (and our dog and cat) would climb into the car and head out west . You name it, we saw it - The Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, The Rocky Mountains, etc. That's still how I love to travel. No destination, just pick a direction and go.
4. New York City - I got to stand at the top of the World Trade Center!

FOUR OF MY MOST FAVORITE THINGS TO EAT:
1. spaghetti with meat sauce
2. warm chocolate chip cookies
3. filet mignon, medium-rare
4. my Dad's hungarian goulash

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY:
1. Dooce
2. NY Times
3. Finslippy
4. Live Journal

Self enlightenment the good old fashioned way

Today I participated in my first Spinning class. According to a friend of mine, you are guaranteed to burn 1000 calories in 60 minutes. Self-imposed ass kicking at it's best. As the instructor is setting up my bike for me he says, "Your goal as a first-timer is simply to finish". Damn if that isn't the best introduction to a workout I've ever heard. Just finish.

I did indeed finish, and it ended up being as intense as everyone said it was going to be. My thighs were burning and my legs were all wobbly when I stepped off the bike. It was excruciating. I won't be able to walk for days. My legs are sore in places I didn't even know muscles existed. I absolutely loved it.

Lately I've been feeling very old. I came across some pictures a few days ago, some photos of me at my Senior Prom. I looked so glowingly happy and pretty that I barely recognized myself. It's hard to remember what it felt like to be 17. That girl in those pictures has no idea what cellulite or crow's feet are. She has no idea what it feels like the have her heart broken or what it's really like to stress about money.

These days I look in the mirror and all I can see are these adult realities staring right back at me. Where did all the innocence go? As far as I knew I still had a least a little of it left over, getting me ID'd at restaurants when I ordered a glass of wine with my steak, but lately it seems that my eyes give me away. They reveal my old spirit.

One of my New Year's resolutions was to spend some time rediscovering my inner child. I'm not really sure how to go about doing that, so instead I'm working on rediscovering my high-school ass through intense aerobics! Seems like a fair trade to me.

Lazy Saturday Breakfast

Five Guilty Pleasures

1. Smothering Nutella all over a banana and pretending it's healthy
2. Watching Regis and Kelly in the mornings while eating breakfast in my bathrobe
3. Drinking milk right out of the jug
4. Going over to someones house who has their cd's arranged alphabetically and randomly switching around a few of them
5. Spending 2 hours just wandering around Barnes and Noble, drinking over-priced coffee and looking through books

Happiness is a warm gun ... er, warm cup of coffee

I didn't get to sleep until 5 am last night -- something I haven't done since I was in college. I'm feeling it today, but not as much as I thought I would. And the biggest surprise of all was waking up to my bedroom bathed in sunshine. It's been so long since we've seen the sun here in Michigan that I almost forgot how much it can really lift you up. It was just the boost I needed.

I've really been feeling burnt out lately -- stuck in a rut, of sorts. I wouldn't say that I've been upset or sad, just sort of blah. Periods of blah are definitley necessary from time to time, it allows the mind to coast and build up for periods of colorful intensity, but I'm ready for the blahs to end. I'm ready for the color, the intensity.

I've noticed that I haven't really been reading or writing much lately, or doing anything that really awakens me mentally and spiritually. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to rediscover that creative side of myself -- spend more time doing things that challenge me.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I desperately need some me time to rejuvinate my spirits and re-awaken my soul.

Confession:

Everytime I see the Royal Oak Fire Department truck parked on my street, waiting while one of the guys runs inside the market to buy food for the firehouse, the themesong for Rescue Me pops into my head.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree

I'm out to brunch with my parents today, out to one of those places with a 10 page breakfast menu that takes you like an hour just to read, let alone decide on one item to order. I mull it over until the waitress finally gets around to me.
"I'll have the country-fried steak and eggs -- over-easy -- with hashbrowns and wheat toast."
"Well, Daddy's girl, aren't ya?"
I look over and my Dad, who's laughing at me. "That's exactly what I ordered."

So I crawl back into your open arms

I have certain music that has become, for one reason or another, tied to a particular time of year. Coldplay, for instance, is definitely a winter group. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that the word cold is part of their name, it just happened that the first Coldplay cd I ever bought was in December of 2004. I played it over and over again that winter, driving around, looking at Christmas lights, trying to make sense of the disaster that was my relationship at the time.

Now that cd (and the one that followed it) seem best suited to cold, snowy nights. It feels somehow wrong to listen to them on a hot summer afternoon -- impossible almost, like the music makes no sense at all. But on a night like tonight, driving home as the snow falls heavy around me, Chris Martin can touch my soul and make me fall in love with him all over again.

The smell of lemony-goodness

I am having my basement carpet cleaned right now, so that my entire family can come over for Thanksgiving on Thursday and track mud and drippy gravy all over it. For some reason, the lemon smell is making me hungry. I feel like I'm in college and my annoying neighbors across the hall are smoking pot (again! without bothering with such annoyances as, oh I don't know, TOWELS ALONG THE BASE OF THE DOOR FRAME SO THAT THE ENTIRE HALLWAY DOES NOT TURN INTO A GIANT CLAM BAKE). It's that feeling where you're suddenly hungry and you don't know why.

Hey -- pot could be the greatest carpet cleaner ever. You never know.