A week and a half ago I got fired. After they gathered all of us into the conference room and told us our positions were no longer necessary, they were very clear to tell us that we were being fired. You are not being laid-off, they kept emphasizing, you are being fired. Not that it made any difference. Either way it summed up to one thing for me -- no job, no paycheck.
Not that I even liked it there. Hate is a better word. Loath. Despise. I was underpaid and underappreciated. But still, it was nice to be able to pay my bills. And to feel like a productive member of society.
I've been fired one other time in my life -- when I was 17 years old and working at Blockbuster Video. I rented a rated-R movie to a girl who wasn't 18 and who's father flipped out to my manager. It was a stupid mistake on my part, and they canned my ass for it. But this -- this -- it feels different, worse somehow, to be fired for no real reason whatsoever. My position was no longer necessary. That's the only thing they would tell us. The whole thing reeked of bullshit.
It began to reek of an even more pungent bullshit when my ex-boss invited me out for a beer, to "explain their reasoning to me" -- they being decision makers out of his control, I would assume. About 3 beers in he started in on, "Well, Carolynne, what to you really want to do with your life?". He looked at me all petulantly, expectantly, like being fired was the best thing that ever happened to me and after he helped me figure that out I would find my real calling in life and owe it all to him. The whole thing was bullshit. These were bullshit beers! I was being consoled with BULLSHIT BEERS by a bullshit man, paid for on a bullshit company credit card.
I left mortgages because I was sick of feeling like I could be fired at the drop of a hat. I wanted something more stable. This irony is not lost on me.
Truth be told, this whole thing has made me miss mortgages. I miss working directly with clients and feeling like I'm actually helping people. I miss the pressure and the intensity of a direct sales environment. It's a high like no other when you make that big sale. Sure there are many lows, but man, that one big sale. That's all it takes, and then the low you went through to get there just doesn't matter anymore.
Besides all that, I'm sick of feeling like I was stuck in the movie Office Space. Bullshit or not, I'm free of that horrid place. FREE. And I'm loving every minute of it.