Thursday, May 11, 2006

Coffee and razerblades

She can barely focus her eyes at me from across the table. "Look, I'm just saying that you should get married already. Settle down". She finishes this last sentence with a bang of her first on the lacquered wood.
"Well, I want some grandchildren before I die, for GODDSAKES!". I can feel the people at nearby tables starting to take notice of us.
"Mom, keep your voice down. Please", I say.
"I'm just SAYING!"
"No, I got it. I got it."
"Well, if you love him then make a commitment to him for goddsakes".
I'm beginning to regret giving her the rest of my martini - her third. I should know better. The woman cannot hold her liquor at all. My mind begins to compute the amount of time it will take to get the bill, pay, and get her in the car. It seems like an eternity.
"Get married on a beach in Maui! No need to plan something big and elaborate. Just do it, and have some BABIES already."
I look desperately around for the waitress.
"Just one". She's wagging her index finger at me. Shit, shit, shit. I finally see the waitress and manage to flag her down.
"Mom, I'm running to the bathroom. When I come back we're leaving".
"Just don't forget what we talked about. Make a commitment! For your father and I! Before we die!". She's yelling these last few words at my back as I dash across the crowded restaurant and into the ladies room.
Inside I splash some cold water on my face and stare at my own dazed expression in the mirror. I couldn't even make this shit up, I think to myself. Suddenly running off to Maui isn't sounding so bad.