Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Bite me

I am just the crabbiest girl today. I am stomp-my-feet-and-throw-things crabby. I am I-can't-believe-I-wore-the-itchiest-pair-of-pants-ever-on-a-day-I-could-have-worn-jeans-to
work-but-didn't-know-about-it crabby. I am can-they-ever-play-anything-other-than-Bon-Jovi-and Stevie-Nicks-on-the-radio crabby. I am I-can't-believe-I've-been-packing-boxes-for-my-boss-all-day-in-heels-and-itchy-pants crabby. I am could-this-day-be-any-longer-or-suck-any-more crabby. I am just plain old CRABBY.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Pimpin all over the world

The Cadillac Escalade has really grown on me. I have no idea why, honestly. It's just so shiny and sparkly! Even though the website says it comes in all the normal colors, I think they only actually allow you to buy it in white or pearl (or, as the website calls it, 'white diamond' -- how can you resist a color called WHITE DIAMOND?). And have you ever seen one dirty? It's like the car that never gets dirty. I think that the Cadillac people secretly send someone over to your house once a week to wash and wax it. How else can it stay so shiny and sparkly? It just makes me want to drive it down the road, blasting Ludacris, hanging out the window shouting, "Bling-bling, bitches!".

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The Devil wears iMac

I am a self-confessed impulse shopper. I'm so bad that I won't allow myself into the mall if I know I don't have money to spend (actual money-money, not credit-card-money) because I know I won't be able to resist that skirt on the clearance rack or that gorgeous new pair of Kenneth Cole heels. Some people are addicted to smoking or intravenous drugs -- I am addicted to the immediate gratification that I get from buying the thing that I want at the exact moment that I want it.

Yesterday after work I should have known I was in trouble. I should have seen the warning signs when I decided to stop by the mall and take a stroll through the Apple store -- just to "check things out" after staring at the iBooks online all day.

"You could take that home today," the salesman whispered seductively in my ear. "We have them in the back. Oh, did I mention that if you purchase one RIGHT NOW, you will get an iPod for free? A pink one. ... That's right, honey. There you go, just make that check out to Apple. Yes, that's right, I said pink." All rationality left my brain, and before I knew it I was walking out of the mall with a beautiful new laptop.

See, the thing is, I know enough about myself and my weaknesses to know that I need checks and balances. Last night, I did not open the box. Instead, I opened my online bank account and figured out all the things I need to spend money on in the next month or so (car leaking oil, muffler acting up, keg for party). I needed a good dose of reality. Man, I hate reality.

Today on my lunch break, I returned the laptop. I grinned sheepishly at my salesman who stared at me as I left the store -- watching his commission walk out the door. When I go back (and, mark my words, I will be back), I will be sure and ask for him.