Dear Red Bull Energy Drink,
I don't think I tell you often enough, but I love you. You make nights out at the bar so much more interesting. It's like I'm drunk, but I just never get tired. What - it's 2 am already? No, it can't be! I want to keep dancing! I could dance all night, in fact! Maybe I'll just go home and dance in my living room all by myself, with no music, because who can sleep already?
Come to think of it, you make the work-day better, too. I've never been so productive! I can do the work of 10 of me. Maybe I'll clean my entire desk from top to bottom. And do the same for everyone in my office. I'll admit that it is hard to write anything when my hands are shaking like this, but the upside is totally worth it. I'm like a superhuman version of myself.
I'm sure my boss and co-workers love me better, too. The way I won't shut up. Or sit down. Or let anyone finish a presentation without interjecting every 5 seconds with my own brilliant insights. They love how spontaneous I can be. You sure do bring out that side of me.
Sometimes, late at night, when I can't sleep no matter what I try, and I've cleaned every room in my house, and I've begun pulling out strands of my own hair just to see if I can still feel anything, I think that you might be pure liquid evil.
But mostly, I just love you.